December 2, 2013 at 6:34 am (Faith, Joy, Learning, Uncategorized)

I stepped.

Into the tar,

Knowing where it would lead.

I stepped.

Into the tar,

Knowing where it would end.

I stepped.

Into the tar,

To the very place I’ve been before.

Pretending to ignore,

All that I knew about this tar.

This sticky mess,

This lethal pool,

This sinking hole with no return.

I knew, but I went.

A slow step at first, but as I pressed my foot down more,

I knew there was no return.

I didn’t care at first.

I, in my blissful happiness continued,

Not realizing I was sinking more and more,

Only caring about me, myself, and I.

My plans, my hopes, my desires,

My dreams, my sins, what I acquire.

Everything I wanted,

Nothing that I needed,

Sinking, slowly and surely,

Into this quicksand of a pit.

Faster and faster I sank,

Now terrified of the darkening sea around me.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t.

I wanted help, but I found myself speechless,

Unable to say anything that might admit my failure.

I’m now fighting this toxic, resilient sludge,

Punching, kicking, battling with all my strength,

But with every move I make,

I just sink further and further down,

Every move I make only quickens the submersion,

Until only my head remains above,

As I gasp out for one. final. breath.

So, I stop fighting the inevitable,

I stop resisting completely,

I just let myself continue to sink,

Until I am completely covered.

Sunk so far, so deep,

The surface of tar looks unchanged.

I’m now just sinking,

Not fighting, not resisting, just falling,

Engulfed in this black, sticky sea.

Powerless, feeble,

Vulnerable and weak,

Unable to do anything to help myself,

Unable to do anything at all.

Utterly. Helpless.

I need Him.

I need Him.

I need Him.

Only He can save,

Only He is Powerful enough,

Only He is Mighty enough.

Why don’t I cry out?

Why don’t I ask for the only One I know can save?

I’m prideful, arrogant,

Conceited and stubborn.

Egotistical, self-confident,

Narcissistic and haughty.

Unable to admit my weakness,

Unable to admit defeat,

Unwilling to declare to my God,

That I once again screwed up,

That I alone am to blame.

Too proud to ask for help,

Ashamed of my defeat,

I only sink deeper and deeper into the abyss.

I need Him.

I need Him!

I need Him!

He is Savior,

He is Power,

He is the Great “I am”.

He is Forgiver,

He is Rescuer,

He is the Lion and the Lamb.

He knows everything I’ve ever done,

And all I’ve yet to do.

He is Mighty,

He is Holy,

He is everything that is True.

He is The One and Only,

He is Glorious,

He is Peace.

He is Infinite,

He is Triumphant,

He will Never Cease.

He is Almighty God,

He is Justifier,

He is Worthy of all praise.

He is Perfect,

He is Conqueror,

He was Crucified and Raised.

He knows me and yet still loves me,

In spite of all my numerous sin.

He knows my prideful and lazy nature,

And all the thoughts that come from within.

From deep within me,

I know I can’t ignore.

“Help!” My heart and soul cry out.

“Forgive, this wretch, this cretin, this child,

This sinful, imprudent, fool.

You are Everything, I am nothing,

Forgive me, I am Yours.

Take this mess that is me,

Take it and use it as You will.

Clean me out, purify me,

Bind me to You and make me still.

Please make me more like You,

You the Potter, I the clay.

Make me more like you,

Each and every way.

May you be ‘IT’”, Everything,

Nothing more of me,

For you are the one who is Holy, Divine,

Perfect, and Worthy!”


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Psalm 39:4-13

December 1, 2013 at 6:28 am (Uncategorized)

“O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am!

Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!   Selah

Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

Deliver me from all my transgressions. Do not make me the scorn of the fool!

I am mute; I do not open my mouth, for it is you who have done it.

10 Remove your stroke from me; I am spent by the hostility of your hand.

11 When you discipline a man with rebukes for sin, you consume like a moth what is dear to him;

12 “Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry;
hold not your peace at my tears!
For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers.

13 Look away from me, that I may smile again,
before I depart and am no more!”  surely all mankind is a mere breath!”     Selah

May this be my prayer.

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September 28, 2012 at 3:07 am (Uncategorized)

Today I’m in Awe of:

  • the fact our SAVIOR was born in a STABLE. A stable.
  • the fact our King came to a broken fallen world to save us.
  • the fact that He always has a plan..even if we don’t see it or agree with it.
  • that He was HUMBLED to human. God in human form.
  • that He has used the vilest of the vile, the worst of the worst, murders, adulterers, sinners in every state, for HIS GLORY..including myself.
  • He wants ALL to be saved.
  • He deserves all worship.

“The Lamb that was slain is worthy of the reward for His suffering. ”


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Leaving in a Roar of Thunder and Lightning

August 22, 2012 at 10:15 am (Uncategorized)

I said goodbye to camp this week. These were some of the toughest goodbyes I’ve ever had to say.

However, the Lord did something really incredible on the second to last night I was there.

When I moved to camp, just as I entered camp (after a summer of extreme drought there), the sky opened up and rained just as I entered the gates. Rain and thunderstorms have always been special to me. I’ve always seen the Lord in and through them…and as I was moving in, I really felt like the Lord was going to do amazing things there. Things only the Lord could get credit for. And He did. He absolutely did.

The second to last night we were at camp, again the Lord did something only He could do. There were only 5 of us at camp, and there were lighting/thunderstorms all around camp. We sat/laid outside for hours, praying, talking, confessing, worshiping, remembering the Lord, watching the lightning…it was incredible. And then…at midnight exactly, it poured. It was the coolest night I’ve ever had. Ever.

It was as if I came in to camp in a sprinkle and was leaving in a roaring thunderstorm. Beyond amazing, once again the Lord just showing His power. It’s been an incredible year at camp, one in which I saw the Lord do things only He can do. And even though it was incredibly difficult to say goodbye, I have to remember: The Lord is sovereign and the Lord’s plan is better than my own.

The best is yet to come!


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Sojourn: Absent from Flesh

May 24, 2012 at 4:03 am (Uncategorized)

This song has been so encouraging today. I long for the day when this all ends, and we finally see our Savior.

Absent From Flesh

by:Isaac Watts/Jamie Barnes

Verse 1

Absent from flesh, O blissful thought

What joy this moment brings

Freed from the blame my sin has brought,

From pain and death and its sting.

Verse 2

Absent from flesh, O Glorious day!

In one triumphant stroke

My reckoning paid, my charges dropped

and the bonds ’round my hands are broke.


I go where God and glory shine,

To one eternal day

This failing body I now resign,

For the angels point my way.

For the angels point my way.

Verse 3

Absent from flesh! then rise, my soul,

Where feet nor wings could climb,

Beyond the sky, where planets roll,

And beyond all keep of time.

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Thanksgiving at CCAC

November 23, 2011 at 10:47 pm (Uncategorized)


Last night at the camp I worked at, we had a Thanksgiving feast with most of our co-workers. And I have to say, it has been my favorite memory of camp so far. Samm and I wern’t entirely sure how it was going to turn out, who was going to come, if we would have enough food, etc…but, by the time dinner actually started, we could tell it was going to be one of those nights you really remember.

Everyone contributed something, whether it was food, ice, pies, one of our bosses actually came to the dorm and brought us a homemade pecan pie. (Amazing!) We sat at a huge table we contructed out of some tables and chairs we borrowed. Samm decorated. Several of the guys pitched in to pick up tables and chairs. Many of us cleaned. Many did dishes. Ryan and Josh carved the turkey…which no one else knew how to do. (HIGHLY entertaining.) It was just amazing.

One of the girls here, Kristyn, has a tradition in her family in which they start with A in the alphabet and going until Z and you go around the table and say something you are thankful for with that letter. It was really, really cool. (Even though I did get X at one point). 🙂

The night ended with a crazy food fight and great conversation, but I have to say…it is one of my favorite Thansgiving experiences ever. I really am thankful for the people I work with and this amazing camp I get to live at and be a part of.










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My new job…

October 9, 2011 at 10:43 pm (Uncategorized)


So as many of you know..starting back in August I started a new job…at a camp in little, ol’ Anna, Texas. It’s near McKinney for those of you from the Dallas area…if not..well, I’m actual just as close to Oklahoma at this point as I am to Dallas.

I’m an outdoor education teacher, so basically I teach 4 different classes several times a week. 2  classes a day and then night activites. I’ve learned more about science, nature, different types of trees, wildflowers (which change here ALL THE TIME), animals, get the picture. It’s a constant learning process..but I am LOVING it!

The staff here is amazing and I really love each of them a lot.

"Bois D' Arc Tree"

One of the things that have become really precious to me is the trees here. The more I learn…the more I absolutely love. I’m constantly finding myself  trying to figure out what different trees are…even when I’m just driving into town. They are such a cool example of God’s creation and so symbolic. Each working similarly, yet different at the same time. One of my favorites here at camp is the bois d’ arc trees. They are very strong..once used by Native Americans to make bows out of…You might recognize them because of their fruits..commonly know as “horse apples”:

Did you know only female bois d’ arc trees produce the “horse apples”? (Did you know some trees have male and female trees? Like cedars? I didn’t…until I got here..)

Anyways, I just LOVE all the trees here…and they have become a really cool reminder of the Lord. I haven’t fully researched or processed all I’m learning about these trees…but I’m really excited about what’s to come…I just keep thinking about God’s creation and how he made each of these trees differently, with different characteristics, different functions…I’m still processing…more to come…

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Cabin Fever

February 5, 2011 at 10:49 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s been icy/snowy since late Monday night here. Everything has been shut down all week. No one in this house has worked since Monday, except Nikki who can work from home, and me, who was able to get in 3 hours at the library on Thursday. It’s, as a friend of mine said, Antartica verses Dallas.

Normally, if we get any kind of cold percipitation here, we might get 1 day off…1. We found ourselves longing to go back to work..even to deal with screaming kids, long hours of shelving, and hard work. We definately have cabin fever. We’ve played games, watched movies, hung out, which has been awesome, but at some point, we long to get back to normalcy…

It’s also been difficult because most of our roads were only sanded once…and we’ve gotten precipitation a couple of times, leaving roads dangerous and piled up with ice…

BUT, the Lord is good and gave us this time to hang out and get to know each other better…

I am going back to work today, but with snow in the forcast again next week…we will see if this city shuts down again.

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5 Loaves and 2 Fish

February 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm (Uncategorized)

In the past week, a family of 3 has moved into our house, including a baby, and another dog, bringing the grand total of our house to 7 adults, 4 dogs, a cat, and a baby. The Lord’s hand has been all over this!

I can honestly say that I have seen Him move in mighty ways in the past week…and the motto (given by Nikki)  is 5 loaves, 2 Fish…she wants to make a sign and hang it up in our house. We buy food on a 2 week basis, each taken various nights to buy and cook food for the house and we had only bought for 5 adults this week…and our food has lasted every night…sometimes with leftovers…the Lord is GOOD! And this is just a tiny, tiny piece of what He did this week….

  • I quit a job, mother who just moved in got my job…
  • Someone fell at work, and the dad who just moved in just happen to walk outside, probably saving his life…Praise the Lord! Servere concussion…he really could have died.
  • Sam and I needed another space heater, Wal-mart was out of them, saw the Fox family (our excutive director and good friends of our) and they had 3 extra ones for us to borrow
  • We didn’t have enough meals for the short (we would have been fine, it’s just cool how the Lord made it work perfectly)…there was a formal fundraiser at work and the worked it so we could all (our entire house) attend…and some of the leftovers went home with us…
  • Our schedules work so that the mom can work and we can, collectively, watch the baby…

And well, the Lord’s working with hearts on top of all of that…praise the Lord!

I’ve seen the Lord work in this house this week in some might ways. Prasie the Lord!

Can’t wait to see what He’s going to do next!!

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Seeing the Christmas Story through New Eyes…

December 24, 2010 at 8:21 pm (Uncategorized)

One of my roommates is a relatively new believer, but a new believer that God has given the ability to learn fast…she constantly challenges me.  Anyways, being a new believer, she had never read the Christmas story…ever…I got so excited, because I knew it was going to mean so much for her, and also me as we read through it together…

I asked her what she knew of it, and she was honest, she thought a lot of what she knew might was probably from commercialism, and she was really excited to read the story, both in Luke and Matthew…it was exciting for me as well. Reading it gave me a new appreciation for Jesus and gave me so much hope for several other friends of ours who are not yet believers…

Things that I was reminded of while reading:

  • How many dreams and visits by angels
  • The obedience of everyone involved: Mary, Joseph, Magi, Shephards…
  •  Simeon: Was told he wouldn’t die before seeing the Messiah! HOW COOL?? And his words give me chills: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” Luke 2:34-35
  • Anna, the prophetess: The fact she worshiped day and night, never leaving the temple. “Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.” Luke 2:38 Ah! Chills!
  • How everyone came and worshiped Jesus…while He was still an infant or small child
  • How cool it is that there was a STAR that the Magi could follow…and it was right above where Jesus was! COOL! Matthew 2:9
  • How cool it was that the Magi had a dream and went a different way back home
  • How cool it is a “host of angels” appeared to the shephards in the field worshiping the Lord; proclaiming the Messiah had come! Luke 2:8-20 (Chills again)
  • How Herod’s jealosy and fear of the future causes him to murder all the 2 and under boys in Bethlemham and the surrounding areas…it makes me so sad and almost sick thinking about it.. “A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.” Luke 2:18 (from Jeremiah)
  • How there are sooo many prophesies that seemed impossible to all be true…but were..the fact He was born in Bethleham, went to Egypt fulfilling a Micah prophecy, went to Nazereth fulfilling a Jeremiah prophesy, and soooo many more. SO COOL. All in God’s perfect plan and providence…

And sooo much more…

I also was reminded of what the Israelites had gone through…waiting, and waiting, and waiting for a Messiah in a recent Matt Chandler sermon…it still gives me chills thinking about how long they waited, and as Matt put it “and then a baby cried” …AH! chills…even though it wouldn’t exactly change until he died and rose 30ish years later…it still meant their waiting was over…HE WAS THERE… and He changed everything

you should listen yourself…entitled “The Angst of Waiting

Have a Merry Christmas and I hope this time is filled with a renewed awe of Christ and all He’s done…and He’s not done yet!!!!

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