December 2, 2013 at 6:34 am (Faith, Joy, Learning, Uncategorized)

I stepped.

Into the tar,

Knowing where it would lead.

I stepped.

Into the tar,

Knowing where it would end.

I stepped.

Into the tar,

To the very place I’ve been before.

Pretending to ignore,

All that I knew about this tar.

This sticky mess,

This lethal pool,

This sinking hole with no return.

I knew, but I went.

A slow step at first, but as I pressed my foot down more,

I knew there was no return.

I didn’t care at first.

I, in my blissful happiness continued,

Not realizing I was sinking more and more,

Only caring about me, myself, and I.

My plans, my hopes, my desires,

My dreams, my sins, what I acquire.

Everything I wanted,

Nothing that I needed,

Sinking, slowly and surely,

Into this quicksand of a pit.

Faster and faster I sank,

Now terrified of the darkening sea around me.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t.

I wanted help, but I found myself speechless,

Unable to say anything that might admit my failure.

I’m now fighting this toxic, resilient sludge,

Punching, kicking, battling with all my strength,

But with every move I make,

I just sink further and further down,

Every move I make only quickens the submersion,

Until only my head remains above,

As I gasp out for one. final. breath.

So, I stop fighting the inevitable,

I stop resisting completely,

I just let myself continue to sink,

Until I am completely covered.

Sunk so far, so deep,

The surface of tar looks unchanged.

I’m now just sinking,

Not fighting, not resisting, just falling,

Engulfed in this black, sticky sea.

Powerless, feeble,

Vulnerable and weak,

Unable to do anything to help myself,

Unable to do anything at all.

Utterly. Helpless.

I need Him.

I need Him.

I need Him.

Only He can save,

Only He is Powerful enough,

Only He is Mighty enough.

Why don’t I cry out?

Why don’t I ask for the only One I know can save?

I’m prideful, arrogant,

Conceited and stubborn.

Egotistical, self-confident,

Narcissistic and haughty.

Unable to admit my weakness,

Unable to admit defeat,

Unwilling to declare to my God,

That I once again screwed up,

That I alone am to blame.

Too proud to ask for help,

Ashamed of my defeat,

I only sink deeper and deeper into the abyss.

I need Him.

I need Him!

I need Him!

He is Savior,

He is Power,

He is the Great “I am”.

He is Forgiver,

He is Rescuer,

He is the Lion and the Lamb.

He knows everything I’ve ever done,

And all I’ve yet to do.

He is Mighty,

He is Holy,

He is everything that is True.

He is The One and Only,

He is Glorious,

He is Peace.

He is Infinite,

He is Triumphant,

He will Never Cease.

He is Almighty God,

He is Justifier,

He is Worthy of all praise.

He is Perfect,

He is Conqueror,

He was Crucified and Raised.

He knows me and yet still loves me,

In spite of all my numerous sin.

He knows my prideful and lazy nature,

And all the thoughts that come from within.

From deep within me,

I know I can’t ignore.

“Help!” My heart and soul cry out.

“Forgive, this wretch, this cretin, this child,

This sinful, imprudent, fool.

You are Everything, I am nothing,

Forgive me, I am Yours.

Take this mess that is me,

Take it and use it as You will.

Clean me out, purify me,

Bind me to You and make me still.

Please make me more like You,

You the Potter, I the clay.

Make me more like you,

Each and every way.

May you be ‘IT’”, Everything,

Nothing more of me,

For you are the one who is Holy, Divine,

Perfect, and Worthy!”


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